why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
