it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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