what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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