he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
now i know why i became what i already was.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
