Having a random hookup so left but love u
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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