Don't you send me to vm
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
