my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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