I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
