Porn is love you can see.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
