oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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