I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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