All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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