I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
