I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
