oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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