why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
