Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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