OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
