you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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