I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
