Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
