come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
