so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
