How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
