i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
