I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
