You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize