drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
