Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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