She's JV to your varsity
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
