I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize