Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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