I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
