dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
