The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
