EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
