Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
