I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I wish there were birth control emojis
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
