Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(808): View more from Hawaii

and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.

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(305): View more from Florida

i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?

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(602): View more from Arizona

Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it

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(361): View more from Texas

His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night

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(330): View more from Ohio

Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week

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