I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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