i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
