i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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