Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
