I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
