i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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