my mouth tastes like poor choices
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
