I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
