just tell him i said nine months
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
