im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
