Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Randomize
