I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
