why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
