Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Semen is not good for contacts.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize