just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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