hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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