her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
