also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
