my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
