i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
