Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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