She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
