On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
