Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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