i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
