doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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