i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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