This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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