So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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